


Holding On and Letting Go

by CheesewithGlitter



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abandonment, Acceptance, Always, Angst, Conflicted Characters, Conflicted Kylo Ren, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I Love You, I know, Loneliness, May the Force Be With You, One Shot, Opposite Sides of War, Opposites Attract, Regret, Short & Sweet, Short One Shot, Symbolism, War, conflicted - Freeform, dark side of the force, light side of the force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 10:38:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13098354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheesewithGlitter/pseuds/CheesewithGlitter
Summary: The First Order has located the Resistance's current base. Rey, who is distracted by her thoughts of Ben, becomes gravely injured. Kylo Ren finds Rey while he is searching for his mother. All thoughts of finding his mother quickly fade and turn trivial. He is overtaken by the need to save Rey. || Oneshot





	Holding On and Letting Go

Resistance fighters raced through the halls of the current base as explosions shook the ground and rumbled through the walls. The chaos was overwhelming and should’ve kickstarted the adrenaline in Rey’s veins, but she found it hard to move fast enough to keep up with the pace of the world around her.

“The First Order!” someone shouted. “They’ve found us!”

Panicked voices came and went down the hall, fading as quickly as they had sounded.

But Rey was  _ paralyzed _ . She could sense Ben’s presence nearing her. It wasn’t the Force Bond this time, though. It was his eyes watching her from outside the base. Did he know she was here? He had to. Rey felt caught in slow motion as she turned to the window behind her.

Ben’s ship was hovering in the distance.

She only saw it for a very brief moment before a neon green blast shattered the window she was looking through. Rey was flung like a toy doll across the hallway, slamming back into wall opposite from the explosion.

 

Kylo Ren held his hand to keep his troopers from following him into the maze of the base. He wanted to do this alone. He had come for his mother. Because she refused his transmissions, tracking her down and blowing up her base seemed like the only logical option to get her attention. She had to be here somewhere.

General Organa would not comply easily, he knew. But he also knew that he wasn’t ready for the emotion that would follow seeing her in person for the first time in at least six years. He wanted to be alone for this.

Kylo Ren stepped over a few lifeless bodies as he made his way through the flickering, foggy hallway. He heard the clinking of a blaster coming from in front of him, and he instantly ignited his lightsaber.

A red beam shot at him from the distance; he deflected it with ease. Two more he dodged without doing anything more than taking a few steps forward. The shots were lousy. Pathetic really. Could the shooter even see straight? The shooter must’ve been wounded.

He reached out, yanking the blaster out of his offender’s hand with the Force. He heard a girl’s frustrated scoff. He couldn’t mistake the sound of her disgust. He knew it anywhere.

_ Rey. _

 

Rey eyed Ben’s red crossguard saber with wary eyes. It was divided into two different swords pointed in the same direction. She saw the black form of a shadow stepping out into her line of vision, crowned with a pale face atop its shoulders. She could not discern his features, but she didn’t need to.

She wheezed in a breath, resting back against her place on the wall. She tasted blood; she felt the same sticky substance on her stomach. Something hard was protruding from her wound. Glass, she thought. She wouldn’t be surprised if it was metal, though. It was sharp on the edges; she felt it with her quivering fingertips.

 

Kylo Ren glanced over his shoulder to reassure himself no troopers had followed him this far. When he saw nothing but a dark mass of smoke, he fell to his knees beside Rey. His saber deactivated with a quiet whisp and dropped to the ground with a resounding  _ thunk _ .

“Rey,” he said aloud. It was hard to see her in the darkness, but he could see the sinister glint on the shard of metal piercing through her waist. He swallowed hard.

Rey tilted her head in his direction, painfully slow and weak. There was a faint shine of life in her eyes, but it  _ wasn’t enough _ .

He bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from yelling expletives into the hall. He realized his hand was extended over her, hovering by her wound. He exhaled sharply. “You will die if we don’t--”

 

“We?” she asked. Rey was clinging to anything now. She knew. She couldn’t even stop the tears from overwhelming her vision.

Ben’s face was extremely pale, even in the darkness. The quiver of his lips gave him away. He looked at her at the sound of the word. “Hold on,” he begged. There was desperation in his voice.

Rey shook her head, giving him a small smile to remember. “Come home, Ben,” she pleaded with him, even with her dying breath.

 

“No.  _ No _ ,” he raised his stern voice. “You’re not going to die. I’ll take you to my ship. You’ll come with  _ me _ .”

Kylo Ren was resisting her, even as he realized they were both fighting a war that was drawing to a close. But he didn’t want it to end. He was addicted to fighting her; he was addicted to the push and pull that left them both suspended in the grey, between the light and the dark. Without her, he would fall. He would fall very deep into the darkness already present in his soul. If she died, there would be no  _ balance _ . If she died, it would be the death of him.

Rey clasped her hand onto his arm when he made one swift movement to pick her up. “Please, Ben. Don’t do this. Stay  _ here _ .”

“It’s not over. It can’t end like this,” he argued. He stumbled back the way he came; Rey’s head lulled back in exhaustion. The sight of the foreign piece of metal cutting into her soft body made him hurt. “Just hold on,” he asked. “Please.”

 

“Please, Ben,” she countered, equally as genuine. It took the remaining amount of her strength to form her next words. “Even if you save me, I can’t join you. I won’t owe you my life.”

“But you will believe, then. You’ll  _ know _ ,” he said.

Rey kept her eyes on Ben’s face. He didn’t even do so much as glance at her; Rey’s eyes threatened to close with the steady swing of his loping steps. “Say it then,” she whispered. “Don’t do this… Just say it.” Rey expected him to claim her, every success and every failure, with every word that fell from his lips; she was resolved when she heard what he said.

“You’re everything,” he said. His steady, stoic voice didn’t last. His voice became breathy. “You’re everything. Everything I can’t have. Everything I don’t deserve. You’re everything I need. Rey, you are my everything.” He worshiped her with every form of each individual word on his tongue.

 

His steps slowed, as if he was dragging his feet upstream through rushing water. He could feel the growing awkwardness of her weight in his arms. She was moving less and less; her breaths were so much quieter as he spoke.

He stared straight ahead at nothing in particular as the unspoken, forbidden words danced at the edge of his lips. He couldn’t admit it. It would destroy him. He couldn’t.

“I know,” she whispered.

Ben’s eyes flickered down to Rey’s eyes, only to find that they were closed.

 

Kylo Ren’s lightsaber laid alone in the middle of the darkened hall, abandoned.


End file.
